I remembered a story of how Bach was approached by a young admirer one day and asked, "But Papa Bach, how do you manage to think of all these new tunes?" "My dear fellow," Bach is said to have answered, according to my version, "I have no need to think of them. I have the greatest difficulty not to step on them when I get out of bed in the morning and start moving around my room." ~Laurens Van der Post

flower meanings

I love looking up the meanings behind things. Today? It's the meaning of flowers. So intriguing.

It may sound ridiculous, but I never really thought about what kind of flowers I want at my *fingers crossed* future wedding, but I realized what I want a few years back. White carnations and deep red roses. The combo? Such an awesome meaning - practically the same as the combo of white and red roses, but I just love the simplicity of carnations. Plus, they're cheaper. :P

This may sound ridiculous, but I've already decided that - who knows when the day will come, but I think, even though most, no, all of my negatory income currently is going towards my education and housing, I want to, after tithing, once I get a job (long enough sentence yet?), to save a small amount or a certain percentage of each paycheck for my future wedding. Again, might sound ridiculous, but all the same, even if I'm only able to save... $10/week? ...over a year that amounts to $520. Weddings are OUTRAGEOUSLY expensive anymore, no matter how much you save and do-yourself. I just feel, considering the economy, and my current finances, and the way finances have always been in my life, that it's an important thing for me to be saving for. Well, in addition to needing to pay for rent, food, tithe, and saving for my "emergency fund" and whatnot else... ulgh. money how i hate you.

anyway....

Today is busy. Just like I anticipated. I don't think my test went as badly as I thought it was going to go. But all the same, I didn't really study for it all that much. Today I'm hoping to go to bed around midnight, but maybe write that editorial tonight and then get up at like, 6 tomorrow and study for my midterm that's at 11... well, somewhere around there. I'm still going to my 10am lecture, but I'll have to leave early to get to the midterm. Lamesauce.

But my orchestra concert is tonight. Hopefully this will mean the end of my back pain, which is induced by the awful chairs they make us sit on in LaSells. Not to mention my muscles being sore in general from playing so much - which I don't ordinarily, because I don't practice. I know, shame on me. But seriously, I wish I could practice more than I do, but at the same time, I'm more than shocked that I'm the highest placed violin OSU student in the orchestra. I'm not a major or a minor. I'm sitting above numerous majors and minors and professionals. What the deal is, I have no idea. Why other conductors have liked me in the past I have never really understood. Regardless I've only recently really been able to grasp how important music is in my life and how important the violin is and how incredible it is that I have excelled in music as I have without putting in a whole lot of effort. Sure I've had hard times and spent hours practicing and going to rehearsals - but I guess it's that it's paid off. Look where I am now. Did I think way back when I was in Jr Orchestra, sitting last stand 2nd violin that I'd be 4th chair in a university symphony with only hired professionals sitting above me? and that I'd be the concertmaster when they weren't there? Heck no!

This concert will end the winter term season, so after tonight, I'll be done for the term. which will be nice. But I'll miss it.

I get to take a quiz later this week about finding what my strengths are. Authentic Happiness is the website. CAPS directed me there. I think it's more to find out what I'm good at and where my strengths really are so that I can focus more on the good stuff rather than lingering on the negative in my life. It's a cool concept. All that positive psychology and such.

Anyway, time to chug the last of my coffee before dance rehearsal.

God help me.

wait.. really?

Wow. Just when I feel like my world is crashing down and that I have no friends... it's really not, and I really do.

I felt like all my friends had left me. Work, school, boyfriends, stupid about "just being friends" and letting that hinder our friendship, or a fear that one or the other might be leading the other on in a way that wasn't intended.

Regardless. I was wrong. I do have friends... wow. do I ever.

I don't think Cory really meant to be soo negative or seemingly hurt about us "just being friends" when I re-read his facebook message. I think he was just waay sleep deprived and probably jealous of his close friend finding someone to be with and talk to all the time.

Jordan was sad he can't come to my orchestra concert, but managed to let me know and wish me luck. He's so cheerful, even when he's super busy.

I feel like some of my other friends have let me down by not communicating or being weird when we hang out, but in the end, they really do tell me they care about me and that they are praying for me.

Matt sent me a text today. After I had kinda assumed he only wanted to be my friend because I had a car, but no, he said he was sad we hadn't talked in awhile and was wondering how I was and what I've been up to. He's fun.

And then just now, what do I get? A text from Dave! I haven't talked to him in forever. He says that he and a bunch of his friends are going to try to come to my orchestra concert! I couldn't be more excited or surprised!!!

And what else?!?! Lydia and Kim (and Jeni too?) might be coming down for my orchestra concert! I'm so stoked!!

wow... God is amazing.

I just finished reading "and the bride wore white" which is a FANTASTIC book. I suggest everyone read it. Srsly. It's awesome. But I'm planning on reading it again and journaling about it as I go along as it has that suggestion throughout.

ridiculous week

If I can get through this week emotionally stable, I will consider it a success.

I have a midterm tomorrow. I did horrendous on the last on in this class. I'm not doing well in the course as a whole - with the exception of the problem sets from the lab (which is normal, as I'm a kinetic learner... most unfortunate when grading is all about exams and not labs).

I have an orchestra concert today. at 1, actually. Then I have rehearsal again tonight at 7. No Real Life, I guess... sad

Orchestra concert tomorrow night at 7:30. No small group... again, sad.

doesn't help that wednesdays are already my craziest days but this week:

midterm @10, break for lunch (lunch date?), quiz @1, class @2, break, dance 4-6:10, dinner, orchestra.

then i have a midterm and a paper due thursday (after all that time i had to prepare for it the day before...yeah... no).

So I'm a bit stressed out about all that. Plus, i have a paper due friday, and then I still need to figure out more things for my spring schedule and my schedule for next year.

But anyway, it really doesn't help that I haven't been able to read my Bible much lately. frustration!!!!!

numero uno

Funny how this blog was created for nearly the same reason as the previous - Cory driving me insane. But also because I started making a tumblr blog, but decided that maybe I should just stick with blogger.com for now.

In addition, I am the type of person to get waaay too excited about something new. What is this? Something new. Guess who has two thumbs and is excited about this? *points thumbs at self* "This girl!"